roman1

Onward and upward (or downward, I should say!)  Another pound lost.  It feels so good to see the progress.  My energy seem to be up this week and that feels like an accomplishment in itself considering that it is February and cold and dreary and such.  But I keep seeing spring and summer in my head!  I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin.  I cannot wait to pull the grill out of the garage and have a nice turkey burger!  Hopefully, this summer, I will be able to wear shorts that I have not had on in a couple of years!!  BUT first, I still have to get through VALENTINE’S DAY! Three pounds left to hit my mini-goal of 5 pounds before then. 

I also wanted to comment on some of the recent blogs about unwanted comments from some members.  I am rather sad that we even have to have this discussion on here.  This site is for moral support and encouragement and it is disheartening that any posts on here would not be to that end.  I believe that emotions beget emotions.  I think that if you smile at a stranger on the street, that down the road a ways, they will smile at someone else.  “And the feeling grows.”  Any happiness or negativity that is written, is spread - we need only to ignore the negativity and put all of our attention towards the genuine support that we receive from fellow buddies on here!! 

So….to that end….good luck to all of my supportive, wonderful, beautiful, amazing, talented, inspirational buddies on this site!  We may falter occasionally, but that is OK because we have each other to pick us up!  Happy Tuesday everyone!

Today I feel good.  I decided to type that because I realized that too often I use this blog to complain and bitch when we do not.  Yesterday I was not doing well and I spent the entire evening complaining and giving my husband excuses as to why I was lying on the couch, looking like a bassett hound when he got home from work last night!  All droopy eyed and sleepy, all lumpy and bumpy and looking up from under my blanket like “What?  Can’t a girl get a nap?!”  He actually came over to the couch, got down on his knees and asked me, with his eyes full of concern, if I was OK.  Which made the fact that I had totally flaked out on going to the gym even worse!! LOL!  Then I spent the entire evening explaining that I was soooo tired and that I just needed a night off and that my neck and back hurt…..excuses! 

Then this morning, I actually woke up feeling pretty good, physically and mentally.  Weight has not changed from yesterday, (which is good because I ate TWO fajitas for supper last night!!) and I realized that I didn’t tell him - or anyone else for that matter - that I felt good today.  We always tell people when we are tired or not feeling well, but rarely do I tell my husband “Good morning.  I feel really good today!”

I want to loose 1 more pound this week and 4 more before Valentine’s Day.  It is looking good for me and I feel like I am building up so momentum.  That feels good!  This weekend will be challanging…I am a distributor for Slumber Parties and I have a party to give tomorrow night, for my sister and a good friend which means that there will be bad food and booze readily available for me to destroy all of my progress!  Then, on Saturday night, we are having a family gathering at a local Chinese place - which I love, Love, LOVE! - so the potential to eat enough to stuff a large turkey is there….maybe I should try to loose TWO more pounds before the party! LOL.  Guess I will just have to get up to the gym on Saturday and do a double work out!

 Anyway….Happy Thursday to everyone!  Here is hoping that our willpower holds out through the weekend! 

Ok, I have only lost around 5 pounds (this time), but this morning when I was getting dressed for work, I was trying to decide which long, black, elastic waisted skirt to put on, trying to decide which one hid the multiple imperfections between my belly button and my ankles…trying to decide which one still fit….I decided on a whim to try on a little black pinstriped skirt that my husband made me buy about 6 or 7 years ago.  So I slipped it up over my ample hips and prepared to suck in my belly and pull when the zipper just slipped up!! I was so excited.  I haven’t worn the skirt in at least two years because of course pinstrips tend to follow the contour of your, ummmm…..FAT….and because I could get it zipped up, but it it was kind of a challange that involved lying on the bed, with a pair of pliers and a very good girdle and of course not breathing which would in turn make me take it right back off and hang it back on the hanger, swearing to the closet god for cursing me so by tempting me with attractive clothing that was anything but attractive on me! 

 When I woke up this morning, I was a bit unmotivated, thinking that I may take a day off from my good girl routine but after that…I decided that I would stick to it for awhile longer!  And just maybe, in one or two more pounds, I may just slip that skirt on and suprise my hubby who has asked me on more than one occasion during the last couple of years, why I will not wear his favorite skirt only to be answered with a miriad of exuses like….it is too short for my boots or it is too business like for a wine tasting…

Isn’t it funny how one little pinstriped skirt can make you feel so good and renew your enthusiasm for this journey?  Happy Hump Day everyone!!

OK, so usualy Mondays are bad, right?  Not this one!  I ate Pizza Hut pizza last night for supper and so I decided that today, I would REALLY watch what I ate, be careful on calorie intake and fat intake and I figured that I would be tired, hungry and cranky by noon.  But it really has not been that bad.  I am a little hungry, but not ready to eat a pencil hungry. 

In addition - tonight I will make my dramatic gym comeback!! I brought my work out clothes with me so that I had no excuse NOT to go the the gym at 4 pm when I get off of work and I am actually kind of pumped and excited about it.  I am planning to start slow - just an hour or so on an elliptical machine and maybe a stair stepper and then light weights.  But I stole my husbands ipod full of extreme music to keep my energy up.  If I can get to the gym at least three times this week, I will be happy.

My mood is obviously improved today too.  I can feel it and everyone around me can see it.  I have had about 5 people comment on my ‘bad week’ last week.  On one hand - it sucks that I was so cranky that that many people noticed, but on the other, it is pretty cool that that many people care and took notice of my temporary insanity!

 So here we go - half way through Monday and STILL in a good mood.  Oh happy day! 

I can already see myself on the sand vball court this summer, slimmer, stronger and happier! LOL 

Hi everyone! I have officially decided that today will be the day that I dance naked around my livingroom fireplace, worshiping the sun god until he (she?) brings the sun back to us here in Nebraska.  Seriously!  How many days can it possibly be gray and foggy and rainy?  On the upside…this is starting to affect my appetite!  But without the sun, fresh fruits and vegis seem fake.  Like a big ol’ lie!  I don’t want carrots for god’s (goddess’s?) sake! Not unless the are on the side of a big old roast with some mashed potatoes and gravy! LOL  No seriously, I have discovered that we actually do have a modern way of worshiping the Sun God(des).  TANNING BEDS!!  I am seriously thinking about hitting one today, just to remind me what the warm sun FEELS like.  I know, I know, tanning beds are bad for you, blah, blah, blah.  But I am actually part Sioux indian and I cannot live without sunshine.  I will just wilt away to nothing.   So, here I go….it is 9:17 in the am and I am going to do whatever it takes to bring the sun back.  Let’s just hope that my snoopy neighbor doesn’t decide to peek in my front door!! LOL !! Have a good weekend everybody!

Today I can breath again.  For the first time in a week, I feel like maybe there is life after life.  I slept last night, more that two hours…in fact, I think I slept for about 6 hours!  I feel like the air around me is a little lighter.  I will have to remember to thank my husband and a couple of friends who saw me through this very rough week.  It is amazing that the human soul remembers hope even when the head and the heart do not! 

SO…on the up side, even though I only walked once this week, I did pretty well sticking to my healthy eating habits and am down a total of 3 pounds for this week.  It is a good start.  Making it through the weekend will be difficult.  We have a wine tasting tonight.  Love wine.  Hate the empty calories! 

I am starting to get into the Valentine’s Day spirit.  It is coming up the back stretch, breathing up my back side!  I have a really cute pajama set that I would love to wear for my hubby that day, he saw it once…about five years ago!! LOL  I have set a ‘mini-mini goal’ of loosing 5 more pounds before the planned Valentine’s Day Dinner with our friends on the 13th.  I would also like to flatten my tummy a little by then.  Although I blessed with a generally flat stomach for a fat girl, I have lately, developed a bit of a roll.  SO  that means hitting the gym with a renewed sense of determination! 

OK!  Here it to Valentine’s Day and running at it with my arms flailing, (my butt flapping), my mouth wide-open  screaming “Here I come!!”

Happy Friday Buddies!

Sigh.  So last night, not only did I fall of the wagon, but I dragged it down a steep embankment and crashed off the cliff at the bottom!  Depression is a hard thing.  You emotions make you do things that you know are wrong, but you just can’t help it!  For supper last night I had a bag of movie theater butter popcorn and about 6 chocolate chip cookies.  I don’t even know how to log that in my food journal! LOL. 

Good thing that every day is a new day to start over.  Thing is, I am still feeling really depressed right now.  I am fighting a battle in my brain this very second trying to talk myself out of feeling like I am responsible for everything that happens to everyone that I know, but my heart tells me that I need to help! 

Anyway, this morning…I turned the wagon back over.  Sat it upwright on the path.  Got in the driver’s seat and started back up the cliff.  Wonder how long it will last?  Time to extract myself from the situation, I wonder?  Probably.  Maybe if I try a different cart path this time…?  Maybe tonight I will try the Zumba class that I have been thinking about.  Maybe I will learn to look before I leap! LOL. 

Happy Thursday everybody. 

OK.  Day three of my new and improved self.  This year, I have dedicated to improving my self.  My health, my weight, my education, my marriage and my friendships.  I had a rough start, to say the least.  BUT I woke up this morning feeling better that I have in a very long time. 

First of all - no headache!! (I have had on for several days) 

Secondly - I found out that sometimes you make the best friends out of the worst situations.  I actually have found TWO new friends, one last summer and one just this week who I actually knew before but never really thought that we had much in common until a couple of days ago.   I found out that she is actually a really beautiful soul.  SO…away with the friendships that pull me down and leave me feeling empty and ONWARD and UPWARD (I hope) with the ones that make me feel connected and understood! 

I am also hoping to take some classes at the Community College this year to expand my education a little bit.  I am determined to take AT LEAST one class.

My marriage….my marriage is a beautiful one.  I must admit.  I have a wonderful husband whom I adore.  But we have to work really hard at it.  I have vowed to make sure to spend some time getting to know him all over again.  And I hope, in the process to make him understand me better too.  Our son left home for the army last May and so we are left as a couple - something we have never been before- we have been parents since the beginning.  I just have to remind myself every day that for every complaint that I have about him…I have twice as many compliments. 

And lastly my health and weight.  I am going to be healthier this year.  I have finally, in this week, started to really pay attention to my food intake.  Small steps….I have not exercised much in awhile.  I WILL commit to doing this at least a couple of times a week to start.  Small steps…

I hope that by having all of this down in writing, the I will renew my committment to it daily.  Wish me luck.

Didn’t sleep much last night.  I accidentally hurt on of my friends pretty badly and feel like a crappy person right now.  I have apologized, but I still feel horrible.  I have learned from this experience, though.  I have learned a lot about myself and about my friend.  I never really understood her before, but I do now, I think and I am determine to make up to her, any pain that I have caused. 

In the past, this would have crippled me.  I am a very emotional person…I would have stayed in bed ’sick’ today and hid myself from everyone and thing.  But not today.  I forced myself to get up and take a shower.  I forced myself to look in the mirror this morning.  I made myself go to work and then I made myself call my friend and ask her to go walking with me this afternoon when I got off work.  I am desperately hoping that it will help both of us.  With our emotional demons and with our fitness ones too! 

Emotional pain is the worst kind.  You cannot identify it others or take a pill to fix it.  The hurt is a deep one that shows in every expression.  There are the hardest lessons to learn.   My friend is a very kind person with a big heart and the very fact that she was willing to talk to me and is willing to go walking with me today is a good sign that she will or has forgiven me.  I thought that I would feel better, but I don’t.  Not yet…

Well, here I am again.  New year, new week, new weight loss obsession.  Feels a little bit like I have been here before….oh wait…I HAVE!  But that is OK because every new motivation, goal or attempt brings me one step closer to my goal, I hope.  SO, my new weight loss obsession is to avoid DIETS at all costs!  Instead, I will change my eating habits, a little at at time.  Eat healthier, less fast food and of course smaller portions.  I will figure out how to work out more. I hate going to the gym.  I hate going because it is always crowded, noisey and the machines that I want to use are ALWAYS full.  I will just have to save my money up and buy my own treadmill, I guess….So.  Yes.  New week.  Here I go again.  Wish me luck.